Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Harry Potter, #4)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Harry Potter, #4)

author: J.K. Rowling
name: Crazy. Something. Maybe.
average rating: 4.47
book published: 2000
rating: 5
read at: 2014/07/07
date added: 2014/07/09
shelves:
review:
OMGGGGG HARRRRRRRYYYYY POTTTTTERRRRR. Why did I take so long to read these?! Why did I wait until I was 26 years old to get started on this series.

Now I have a job that I have to go to all day long. How can these people expect me to reply to all these emails and process my company’s payroll when I don’t even know what the Order of the Phoenix is?!

I thought that the Prisoner of Azkaban was my favorite, I lied. Goblet of Fire was my favorite. So awesome. Loved this booookkkkk!

Throne of Glass (Throne of Glass, #1)

Throne of Glass (Throne of Glass, #1)

author: Sarah J. Maas
name: Crazy. Something. Maybe.
average rating: 4.29
book published: 2012
rating: 0
read at: 2014/07/08
date added: 2014/07/09
shelves: fantasy, fiction, fighting, paranormal, stupid-character-names, supernatural
review:
I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

I don’t think I’m going to give this book a star rating. I read the whole thing- every word, but after thinking about what my rating would be for approximately 24 hours I’ve come to no conclusion. I could give this a 2 and be able to justify it perfectly. I could also give it a 5 and the book would deserve it. So in order to be fair, I’m not going to rate it at all. I’m just going to tell you what I liked and did’t like and what my thoughts are on it.

Likes:
1. The world building was fantastic. The author did a wonderful job of immersing you in the world. I could picture everything perfectly. Vividly! Maas paints a gorgeous picture.

2. Celaena Sardothien is a pretty bizarre character. In a good way. She’s a complete quandary. She’s feminine, wears dresses, and likes nice things, but is at the same time rough around the edges and badass. I really liked how complex this character is.

3. Celaena’s relationship with Princess Nehemia is really cool. It was fun to read about how their friendship grows despite their different social statuses.

Dislikes:
1. This book is slow as molasses. I felt like very little actually happened. Celaena arrives at the castle, mopes around, and does a couple dumb tests for 85% of the book.

The only thing that kept me engaged for most of this book was the gorgeous world the author was describing. The book didn’t pick up until about the last 100 pages. And even that was pretty dull. I guess I would compare it to if you’ve been sitting in a doctor’s waiting room for 4 hours- then going to the grocery store might sound like a super fun thing to do.

2. The love triangle. WTF is this shit? Chaol? Dorian? There’s no clear OTP for this book and it’s infuriating. I can’t get invested in any of the pairings because the author gives you zero indication as to who Celeana will choose. In fact, it almost seems like she’s playing with both of them.

In conclusion:
Honestly, this is a great book and I can see why so many people like it, but I’m not sure if it’s for me. It was little slow for my tastes. I’m not sure if I’ll continue with the series. If I do, I’ll be waiting until September to buy the paperback.

We Were Liars

We Were Liars

author: E. Lockhart
name: Crazy. Something. Maybe.
average rating: 3.93
book published: 2014
rating: 2
read at: 2014/05/15
date added: 2014/07/08
shelves: confusion, contemporary, families, fiction, mystery, no-sex, rich-kid, psychology, romance, worst-books-ever
review:
Everyone in this book is a huge twat. This is a book where every. single. character. is a rich, WASPy, “pretentious assface” (to borrow an phrase from the book itself).

The story drones on and on and is just generally anti-climatic.

I want to give it 1 star more than anything, but I don’t feel like that’s fair. Only because I didn’t feel like I’d rather clean all the litter boxes at the animal shelter than read it.

Love Unscripted (Love, #1)

Love Unscripted (Love, #1)

author: Tina Reber
name: Crazy. Something. Maybe.
average rating: 4.10
book published: 2010
rating: 2
read at: 2014/06/20
date added: 2014/07/07
shelves: contemporary, fanfiction-i-know-it-is, famous, actor, fiction, insta-love, new-adult, predatory-creep, rich-kid, romance, worst-books-ever
review:

This book flat out exhausted me. I have whiplash from the (at least) 16 different mood swings I had while reading this. So review? It’s going to be weird and disjointed because there’s no other way for me to string it together.

The beginning: I hated it. I really thought that I was going to have to stop reading it. The way Taryn’s friends shame her for being single and try to shove her onto any available man infuriated me. You guys are shitty friends! Stop it! Just let the woman be single! She’s not interested. Leave her alone!

Ryan and Taryn meet: I rolled my eyes so many times that I thought they might fall out of my head. The general premise of their meeting is fine, not clever or inventive, but fine. It’s the insta-attraction and bonding over movie quotes that came next that did me in. The way she has the two characters get to know each other was so lazy to me. “Look how much we have in common!” I hated it. It seemed forced. It wasn’t organic. It was cheesy.

They play footsy under a table. For real. This happens.

The middle: I liked the middle of this book. I liked the drama of the paparazzi and the stalker and the issues that arise because of Ryan’s career. This part of the book was engaging and interesting. If the book would have ended 300 pages earlier then I may have given this 3.5-4 stars. The middle of the book more than made up for the shaky start.

I did have to start skipping the sex scenes though. NOT SEXY. They were so clinical! The author’s word choices were so icky- “Mutual pleasure” and “penetration?” *shudderrrr*

Random things I hated that all took place during the last 1/3 of the book because the last 1/3 of the book RUINED EVERYTHINGGGGGG!:

Unfortunately this book is ABSURDLY long so it doesn’t even matter that the middle was good. Seriously. WTF was this author thinking? This thing was like 700 pages on my Kindle. This book needs a good, firm editor. Someone who will tell Ms. Reber that it’s obnoxious and unnecessary for her book to be so fracking long. The last 1/3 of the book wore me out. Every little thing that happened that seemed unnecessary and nonsensical made me absolutely furious.

When I was 17 my friend Heather and I went to see a band called Mae that we were obsessed with at the time. OBSESSED. The band played for 3 hours. We ended up walking out about 2.5 hours in and standing in the parking lot for the final 30 minutes. We loved Mae, but 3 hours? Seriously? Do you think you’re that awesome that someone wants to hear you play for that long? Do you have that many songs? I know I sound like a jerk right now, but all through reading this book I kept thinking back to this concert and how I haven’t been able to listen to a Mae song since. They played for so long that I reached my lifetime limit on Mae. This was 10 years ago and I still can’t listen to them. Will I ever be able to read another Tina Reber book? Have I reached my lifetime limit on her? This book was THAT long.

The dialogue of this book is weird and disjointed. It doesn’t seem natural at all. The characters talk like they’re reading from a script someone wrote for them.

Fracking Kyle. The fact that Taryn won’t kick him out of the bar is the stupidest thing ever. “I run a public bar. He can be here if he wants.” Taryn. Taryn! Your public bar is located on private property. Which you own. Kick the man out.

The way gun laws are treated in this book is ludicrous. The author doesn’t seem to have done any research at all. The state of Rhode Island doesn’t issue concealed carry licenses willy-nilly. In RI you have to demonstrate a valid reason to need one- which Kyle would have as private security. Fine. However, it’s illegal to have a firearm in a bar. But for argument’s sake let’s assume that RI has some weird laws that allow private security employees to have guns in bars (doubtful), the bar is still private property. Taryn would be within her rights to call the cops because someone has a gun on her property and she doesn’t want them to.Where is this security team from? Are they from California? If so they’re carrying firearms illegally. California CCWs are not honored in Rhode Island. NO OUT OF STATE CCWs are honored in Rhode Island. Your permit must be issued in Rhode Island in order for you to be able to carry a weapon in Rhode Island.

The above probably wouldn’t aggravate the average reader, but my job involves firearms so all of this was just glaringly wrong to me. I wasn’t able to suspend reality this severely.

AND THEN THE ULTIMATE SIN IN A NEW ADULT NOVEL OCCURRED: [spoilers removed] This freaking trope makes me want to murder everyone.

In Conclusion: If you asked me if I would recommend this, I would say no. It’s CRAZY long without needing to be and exhausting to read. By the time you figure out you’ve made a mistake, you’ll have gone to far to not see it through and be furious with yourself.

Side note: This reads like fanfiction. Ryan = Robert Pattinson. There’s no way this isn’t true.

On the Fence

On the Fence

author: Kasie West
name: Crazy. Something. Maybe.
average rating: 4.04
book published: 2014
rating: 3
read at: 2014/07/02
date added: 2014/07/03
shelves: contemporary, romance, young-adult, more-gray-eyes, coming-of-age, families, fiction, high-school, sports, summer, tragedy
review:
This was a quick, easy read. I enjoyed it, but it was pretty generic YA.

Give Me Love (Give Me, #1)

Give Me Love (Give Me, #1)

author: Kate McCarthy
name: Crazy. Something. Maybe.
average rating: 4.07
book published: 2013
rating: 2
read at: 2014/07/01
date added: 2014/07/01
shelves: confusion, contemporary, fiction, new-adult, predatory-creep, rockstars, rich-kid, romance, tragedy
review:
If I was giving out stars for potential, I would give this a 4, BUT I’m not so this gets a 2.

This is me:

I give the author props for an extremely original idea. The whole aspiring rockstar meets Blackwater badass thing had the potential to go very poorly or be very exciting. Unfortunately, the author didn’t execute it very well. This book is a fracking mess.

But there were a couple of things I liked about it:

1. The description of Jared at the beginning was super hot. Jared was a tolerable hero. He could be kind of an idiot, but at the beginning he had me swooning.

2. Henry. He was a good friend and the ONLY memorable supporting character.

That’s all. That’s all I liked.

I HATED the way this was written. Here is a gigantic list of everything I hated about this book.

1. The random asides and foreshadowing. This book spoiled itself CONSTANTLY. It was infuriating. Reading this book was like having this conversation:

Person 1: Have you seen The Sixth Sense?
Person 2: No. Is it good?
Person 1: Yeah. Really good. The kids sees dead people. Bruce Willis’s character is dead the whole movie! Do you want to watch it?

Seriously. The author would flat out state that something major happened and then have Evie “flashback” in her mind to fill us in. Why couldn’t we experience everything as it was happening?

2. The way time passed in this book was bizarre. Sometimes entire weeks would pass with no warning at all. A major event would occur and then 3 weeks would pass and it was all better, but the reader has no idea what happened and why it’s better. We’re just told that it is.

3. There was moments where I was extremely confused. Sometimes I just did not understand what was happening in the book at all. There was an entire chapter that was total nonsense to me. Additionally, things would happen that were never explained and did nothing to progress the plot. For example: Evie gets sick. For no reason. She’s just randomly ill and goes to the doctor. There are pages written about Evie being sick for no apparent reason. She doesn’t miss any shows, nothing bad happens, etc. Evie is just sick… to add to the word count? Then some guy from the record label requests to meet with Evie alone. He INSISTS that no one else comes with her, but it’s never explained why. No reason given. [spoilers removed]

4. A lot of times it felt like this was 2 books smashed together. It felt like the author couldn’t decide if she wanted this to be a thriller or a romance so she just mashed the two together and half-assed both. There was no development of Jared’s job or company. The subplot involving the search for the bad guy was extremely underdeveloped and was only mentioned whenever it was convenient for the main character. It was almost as if the author should have just cut this entire arch. Plenty of conflict could have been created without involving the heroine in the drama. Honestly, this aspect of the book was incredibly boring.

5. The random switch to Mac’s POV at 80% for one chapter gave me hives. I cannot express the depths of my fury over this.

6. Every single outfit that Evie wore was described in EXCRUCIATING detail. Here’s the thing: I DON’T CARE! I don’t care how her aqua shorts elongate her legs or how her tank top highlights her chest. I don’t care at all. You’ve already described her. I know what she looks like. It was like the author thinks the reader is so stupid that they can’t assume Evie changes her clothes every day. We need a play by play every time the woman gets dressed.

7. I am usually the first person to defend unlikeable characters. I don’t think authors are obligated to deliver likeable or even redeemable characters. There are shitty people in the world so it makes sense that they’re represented in literature. That being said, I found the casual homophobia in this book unacceptable. The characters repeatedly say things like “You’re not turning twink are you?” and “If they could turn gay for each other, they would.” Not okay with me. The universe doesn’t need anymore of this garbage.

8. This book has about 8,000 characters. I couldn’t keep everyone straight. Who are: Cam, Casey, Dean, Tim, Frog, Travis, Mitch, Steve, Peter, Jake, Gary? The number of minor, male characters- who are all incredibly hot, of course- is astronomical. I felt like I needed a flow chart.

Yeahhhhh. So this book is free on Amazon right now if you want to torture yourself.